1
: fatigued by overwork
2
: made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by having or seeing too much of something
whereas Urban Dictionary goes a little more in depth.
"The end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences, disappointment, and unfulfillment fed into a person where they get to the point where their anger circuits just sort of burn out and they accept disillusionment."
Fatigued, apathetic, cynical, disillusioned, no matter how you define it, sometimes it's hard to make those transitions in life that are necessary from time to time. Now a lot of you may be reading this and shouting inside your head (or out loud) that I have an awful lot of gumption to complain about being jaded from having seen so many wonderful sights in my lifetime, and you're probably right. But I think that in today's world where almost any form of entertainment or sensation is available at the touch of a button, a lot of people are wondering where to get that next fix from, as evidenced by that Merriam-Webster entry being in the top 1% of lookups.
I feel like life goes in phases. I've always loved travel, and I've been fortunate enough to be able to make my dreams come true multiple times now. I should be proud of that, because a lot of people's dream destinations stay just that for their whole lives. I started this journey eight years ago, with a harebrained idea that hey, I love baseball and I love travel, let's see all the ballparks! It has basically ruled my travel plans since then. The trips designed themselves, it was just a matter of taking the time off of work and booking a couple of things. Now that my dream is complete, I find myself in a similar situation as I was eight years ago.
When I was in school, I was entranced by the pictures of "Guernica" that were in my textbooks. The raw emotion and power that were in even the small prints spoke to me, and I told myself, one day I will see that in person. Sure enough, shortly before I started this blog I was fortunate enough to go to Spain and one of my first stops was the Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza. As I came around the corner to the room in which it was displayed, the power and emotion radiating off the wall literally knocked me back. It is the only time I can remember that I was moved to tears by a sight. It wasn't just the painting, it was the feeling of having accomplished my dream. That's the feeling that I've been craving since then. I was able to replicate it a few weeks back by visiting Target Field, my final ballpark, but as any junkie will tell you, the first high is always the one you remember and you spend the rest of your life trying to replicate it.
So, I've completed this phase. I've made the turn for home, and now it's time to rest the bones a bit, but the next dream is always a moment away. Except that right now, I don't have any more dreams. Dreams can be a dangerous thing, as they can distract from what the goal really should be, but they're all we have as humans. Without hopes and dreams, there is only darkness and death, and I'm not dead yet.
The next phase will start soon. What it will look like or what it will be, I have no idea. I have been to a couple dozen national parks, and I have about 12 or 13 states left to visit. I enjoy going to parks and hiking, but I can't say it's a dream of mine to visit them all. I also badly want to go back to Europe soon. This blog will keep going. I'll post about some trips I've done in the past, and trips upcoming in the future. I need to rest up some and dream of my next journey. Whatever it is, I'll embark on it with my head held high and you all will be along for the ride.
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